Back from Wangaratta

Hi everyone,

I'm back at the farm after spending most of the weekend at the SES's work health and safety course at Wangaratta.

It's been a good weekend.  Left here about 6:30am Saturday and caught up with Maddie and Tom, two of the other volunteers from Tatura, who were also going.  We had one of the unit's vehicles and (perhaps a little flatteringly?) they asked me to drive.

As per regulations, we were all in uniform -

It's been about 30C/90F both days. I can tell you that SES overalls, while great in winter, are like a portable sauna in hot weather.  By afternoon Maddie, Tom and I had all peeled our overalls down to our waists and were in our shirts.

The course itself was kept as interesting as a fairly dry, regulation oriented topic can be. Felt good to be with other volunteers though. Most of the others were from further up, from Beechworth and Talangatta, with a couple from Cobram, Benalla and Alexandra.

Class finished at 5:30 and the three of us, plus the volunteer from Alexandra called Shannon, went to the accomodation at the Ryley Motor Inn (http://www.ryleymotorinn.com.au/home/).  This was kind of special to me: when I was a kid (and when the Hume Highway still passed through Wangaratta), we'd pass this motel in the way to New South Wales, and I was kind of fascinated by what I thought of as its 'Southwestern' style architecture. Anyway, this made it kind of a thrill to stay there.

Maddie and Shannon took one room and Tom and I took the other. The motel is small and not luxurious, but very clean and welcoming. This was the room I was in -

After getting settled Maddie, Tom and I had a couple of drinks at the Albion Hotel - 

We then met Shannon at the Pinsent Hotel, where SES had made $30 each available for dinner.

The Pinsent (http://www.pinsenthotel.com.au/?redirect=false&utm_source=MobileSite&utm_medium=MobileSite&utm_campaign=MobileSite) feels pretty luxurious inside: service is quick and the food very good, if  a little short of healthy options. I recommend the meat-heavy "Stockman's Grill".  After eating we sat there and talked for a couple more drinks and then walked back up to the Motel.

Breakfast at the motel was kindly paid for by SES too, and we drive back to the venue for the course.  This morning's material felt a little perfunctory and I had the feeling the teacher was keen to wrap up and get the use of part of his weekend.

Maddie, Tom and I drove back to Shepparton, where Tom lives and I'd left my car.  Maddie was to drive the vehicle back to Tatura.  I came back to the farm.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a bit flat at this point. It seems a bit pathetic, but when I'm in uniform and doing SES stuff, I guess I feel different - like I'm doing something that matters and that makes the world a fraction better. Then when I come back and take off the overalls and the helmet, I go back to being just another shitheel farm labourer who's just scraping by in life.

I dunno: I know I'm not one of the world's natural born losers. I'll be back on track soon enough.  And yet... The sense of purpose and value I get from being an emergency services volunteer makes me feel better than anything else I know.

Still here

Hi everyone,

Quick little post to say I'm still here.  I keep planning to write a long update, but a short one will need to do for the moment.

In a nutshell, I'm looking for work again - my contract ran out I'm afraid. Still optimistic about life: feel like I'm on the right track even though I dunno where it'll end quite.  I've become an operational SES volunteer. And I'm still writing and publishing as much as I can.

Still running. Feel fitter and leaner than ever. Would love to make a career with a health element.  Gotta make it pay but!

Nil desperandum!

Someone remind me what a huge success I've made of my life.

I keep forgetting.

A snowman in Las Piedras

Hi everyone,

This will be a whiny venting post.  I'm sitting here at my desk at work trying to hold my shit together.  I just saw somewhere on the web a picture from Frozen - the one that says something about "do you want to build a snowman?".

This, of course, makes me think of Grace and Rachel and how they saw the movie lately and were so excited by it, and how I wasn't there to share it with them and sing with them and be a father to them.

And how I've wound up here, divorced and alone and as trapped as the characters in The Wages of Fear.  Living a bazillion miles from my darling kids, applying my skills for the benefit of clients who mostly distrust me and some of whom actively despise me.

I know I'll bounce back, and find a way out of these issues, but right now I feel like I've reached into my bag of tricks and found it empty.

Woodsmoke and Football

Cool autumn day here.  Slept late, but woke up feeling well-rested for the first time in ages.

Nice long morning Skype with the girls.  Love them so much!  Poor Grace has a stomach bug and was cuddling up to Joni, although there was an upside inasmuch as Rachel and I got to have some daddy-daughter time.  I love Gracie-Lou, but she does make it hard for Rachel-Bear to get a word in edgeways!

Working with the old boy on the house plumbing in the afternoon. Woodsmoke was coming through the chimney from the fire inside and hanging in the cool afternoon air.  I remember that smell well from Flinders, in the before-time. It always smelt like home, and yet...  The other thing I heard a few times through the day was talk of local football on the radio.  I always thought having a local team would mean something to me - that supporting a team (Shepparton Swans) and being able to go to their games (the firm is a sponsor) would be a part of feeling at home.  But still ... It's as if I want somewhere that feels like home, but as soon as it heaves into view, I feel trapped.

Way to be eternally unsatisfied!

More tomorrow I guess.

So it's been a while

Hi everyone,

Sorry I've been AWOL so long.

No real excuse: life has been a little same-y of late.  Work, run, shower, sleep, repeat.  It's not bad, I have to say, but it doesn't give me a huge amount to say.

Errr, so what do I have?  Well, I've started my training with the State Emergency Service.

Too old and cowardly to take the Queen's shilling, so I guess this is something my girls might be able to be proud of me for.  Guilt much?!?

What else?  The "prestige vehicle case" is underway.  I think this one has real legs.

I should add that the other reason I've been AWOL a lot is that I tend to blog from my phone before sleeping, and I've been crashing to sleep pretty readily at night.

Failed to go to the Good Friday service today. I've also rather sucked at Lent this year #CatholicFail. Losing my faith?  I can't remember when I last prayed.

Well, be it all as it may, one presses on. As long as the sun rises there are new things to do!

Donating again

Hi everyone,

Typing this a little awkwardly on my phone at the blood bank.  It's my first donation in nearly a year.  That's too long to be stuck on 77 donations!

Things are generally good.  The weather is cooling and rain is falling sometimes although the long range forecast is bleak: below average rainfall for the next twelve months.  Not good.

I've started putting out feelers in case I suddenly need people to pull strings for me.  This has included calling the SES yesterday to offer myself as a volunteer.

Still missing the girls.  It just gets worse, you know?  Looking forward to a Skype date at the end of the week! :)

The weekend after next is one I'm looking forward to - the Roller Coaster Run at Mount Dandenong. Twenty-one kilometres of up and down.  Bring it.

Still jotting down random ideas but nothing that rises to writing.  It all feels rather hackneyed. :|. I dunno... Maybe a quick stint in Melbourne would spark me up again.  I have this faint feeling of being a head-in-a-jar that even running and exercise can't fix!

Well, enough for now.  Developments as they arise.