Monday, 14 October 2019

A Sunday retreat

I wrote this post a week ago.  I put it on hold because I wanted to word myself a little carefully: in these troubled days one should do no less.

Last Sunday I went to a retreat being held by the Catholic Lawyers’ Association.  I'd been looking forward to it.  I’d even turned in at a respectable hour the night before. Unfortunately, it was the night Daylight Saving kicked in, and inevitably I slept late by an hour.  As a result I arrived at Corpus Christi College just as Mass was starting.

Chapel, Corpus Christi College, Melbourne, Australia

The chapel used by the seminarians is simple but beautiful.  There were 14 of us present.  Mass was said by Fr Forbes and followed by morning tea.  This gave us a chance to get to know each other, since not everyone comes to the monthly Mass and breakfast.  It’s tempting to namedrop, but I won’t because it might tend to draw the enmity of certain people:

Suffice it to say I had a couple of “you're one of us?!?” moments.

Morning tea was followed by some lectio divina in the college library (I opted for a sermon by Guerric of Igny).  After this, fully ten of us said the Rosary at the Marian grotto, which felt remarkably empowering.  Communal prayer seems to allow people to be vulnerable.


The most enlightening bit of the day was an hour of adoration of the blessed sacrament.  People sat or knelt as they (and their knees) preferred.  I’ve often heard of how people get so much peace and joy from adoration, but I hadn’t really understood it till now.  Faced with Him and His blessed mother I felt like I’d never want to be anywhere else, for any reason.  If I got nothing else from the retreat, that would have been enough.
So Jesus asked the twelve, “Do you also wish to go away?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life [John 6:67-68]
The last formal part of the day was a further address from Fr Forbes on the forms of prayer.
Lunch was provided and it gave us a chance to talk a bit further.  Again: no names, no pack-drill.  Many of those present sensed that being openly Catholic was likely to be career-limiting.  There was a broad feeling that it will get harder and harder to reconcile faith and career.  For my own part (this is of course a personal view only), I think we may run into trouble well before that point.  That is, I think many lawyers from a range of faiths may find that their will to uphold and serve the law will corrode in the face of enmity.  This sort of thing has had me questioning my commitment to the SES.  That is, I've been painfully aware of the venom associated with the laws on the Confessional.  I've also listened with pain to rhetoric from Premier Andrews echoing the old trope of Catholics as primarily the agents of the Vatican, and not of their own country -
"I've made it very clear that the law of our state is written by the Parliament of Victoria, it's not made in Rome and there are very significant penalties for anybody and everybody who breaks the Victorian law," the Premier said.
In the SES context, this has been making it less easy for me to make myself pull on my uniform and serve my State and my community when there are calls for help.  Principally, now, what keeps me going is loyalty to my crewmates and a belief that, with this service, I can honour the image of God written on other people.  It's not always easy though.


Not unlike Star Trek's Arturis, I do think that with a measure of prudence frank conflicts of duty can be avoided ("The Borg Collective is like a force of nature. You don't feel anger toward a storm on the horizon. You just avoid it").  But that isn't wholly the point.  I have an abiding concern that, eventually, more than a few may look at the polity we serve and say: I didn't want to have to choose.

Sunday, 13 October 2019

Wine and weariness

It's been a rejuvenating sort of day.

I was asleep by 2300 last night and didn't bestir myself till 0910 today.  I felt a bit better for the sleep, if not as much as I'd have hoped.  Facetime with Grace and Rachel wasn't a goer (they were watching LSU play Florida, which I thought was a very good reason!).


View this post on Instagram

A post shared by LSU Football (@lsufootball) on

I repurposed the time to go down to the shopping centre at Barkly Square to get a haircut and buy some new shirts for work.  They'll go with the new suit I bought last week.  I'm a little shocked to find how out of style my work-clothes were!  Well, no matter.

Haircut hair...
I went back to my digs and had a quick meditation session with the Calm app.  I'd been promising myself a decent run and headed off down the Capital City Trail for a round trip of 14 kms.  The weather was warm but enough cloud to keep the sun off so conditions were perfect.  I seem to be more and more antisocial these days, which makes me love running more: you can do it alone.  I don't know... People are just... I don't know.


Anyway, after going for a run I set out for a warm-and-sunny afternoon drink at the Brandon Hotel.  The Brandon feels more and more like a home-away-from-home (even if it is only a couple of kilometres).  It's quiet and you can peacefully sit and read and have a few pints and maybe polenta chips.

Brandon Hotel, Fitzroy, Melbourne
It was only a bit after 1700 when I left and so I stopped off at the Great Northern Hotel for a glass of wine and a chance to read my book in the afternoon light before I walked the rest of the way home.  And after this, here I am at my digs again, having a few glasses of wine and wondering when my housemates will finish in the kitchen so I can go out and make dinner.  I know I could just go out but I kind of don't feel like talking.

Great Northern Hotel, Brunswick, Melbourne
I know I'm kind of a downer right now.  I don't know what it is: the world just seems utterly messed up these days, and I wonder what the point is keeping functioning.  But what choice is there?  A man must keep going.

Saturday, 12 October 2019

Cribbing while tired

Do I look tired?  I feel tired.

It was an early start for a Saturday.  I was up about 0745 and as soon as I’d dressed, I was on the road for SES for the final assessment for the group of candidates we’ve been training through General Rescue. Today’s session put them through cribbing and lifting, and I found I was down to lead two of the three crews.  Cribbing and lifting isn’t my strong suit so I was a little uncertain how it’d go.



I needn’t have worried.  The crews had learned their craft well and performed excellently.  I certainly couldn’t have been happier with their work and they all passed.

The balance of the day was quiet for me: laundry, groceries, ironing and Mass.  And now a beer at the Charles Weston Hotel.


I do feel kind of flat now. Training this group has been a large whack of my life for the last 9 months or so. It’s a bit of a shock for it to be over.  I imagine I’ll put my hand up to train next year's new recruits as well.

The plan is an early night tonight, to try and shake off this fatigue.  I'll give dinner a miss as I had a huge lunch.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel like myself again.

Sunday, 6 October 2019

A beach, a bar and a barre

Hi everyone,

I just now prepared quite a lengthy piece about the retreat I went on today with the Catholic Lawyers' Association.  It's a good one, but after I posted it I began to have misgivings that it might get me and other people into hot water.  I've reverted it to draft and will sleep on it before I share it.

In other news, I've found a good route to run home on after work.  It's about 10kms along the Capital City Trail.  It needs some careful planning in terms of what I carry and what I leave at the office for the next day (must. not. forget. housekeys.) but it makes for a really good end of the day.


Yesterday I went a bit longer and cranked out 15 kilometres along a different stretch of the same trail.  It feels good to be running regularly again.  The weather's on the turn here, which helps: it's not bitterly cold during the day or even at night and so running isn't a penance.  Today was in the mid-20s and so after the retreat I mentioned before I headed down to St Kilda for some beach time.  It was warmer than the clouds make it look.  Nobody was staying long in the water however and so I gave swimming a miss.  I contented myself with lying on the sand and reading The Benedict Option.


By 5pm a cool change was clearing arriving and I called it a day.  The Empress Hotel had been advertising a new imported IPA they've obtained and so I stopped on the way home to try some (very good!).


I had no especial plans for the evening save for blogging and writing a quick letter to the girls and so I followed it up with a white wine and some fried eggplant which was much more filling than I expected it to be.


I came back to my digs and set to writing.  I still wanted a bit more in the fitness line and so I did a barre workout on Youtube.  I think I've mentioned before that barre is a perfect match for running and I used to do it somewhat regularly.  I found I was dreadfully stiff now however!



One thing came unbidden into my mind that made me mad, however.  I remembered a certain A-hole boss I once had boasting about how, when his wife was doing a home pilates workout, he'd make a point of slapping her about the head with his penis.  No, I didn't call him out.  I needed the job too badly.  I don't know what's sadder.  Discovering you have a price or that the price is remarkably low.

Not much more to add for the day.  It's been another good and satisfying weekend; all that remains for me is to make tomorrow's dinner, pack my bag and do the going to bed things.

How's your weekend been?

Sunday, 22 September 2019

Sunday: this one had it all!

Sunday blessed me with plans that went astray.

I woke up a bit after 8:00 feeling rested, and got myself underway a bit before 9:00.  First order of business was coffee from Seven-11 and some toast with cheese.


I finished reading Catholic Weekly till 10:30, when I settled in for a long FaceTime with Grace and Rachel.  It may have been the best I've ever had with them.  Yes, it was YouTube heavy, but that was because we were taking turns showing each other cool videos.  They showed me some cutely dark videos from “Bendy and the Ink Machine”.


I returned the favour, showing them some Disney from the pre-war era with dancing skeletons, which they loved.



While we were talking Rachel put on some kind of music and insisted on showing me how she dances.  She really can dance, too.  I’m very proud of her.  We all talked till they were clearly tired and I persuaded them to brush their teeth and turn in.  Being a Long Distance Dad isn’t perfect, but it’s still pretty good!

After FaceTime I decided it was time to break in my new runners and headed up the Main Yarra / Capital City Trail.  It felt good to have decent shoes on again and I got through 15 kilometres in good order.


My final item for the afternoon was beer.  I was tossing up between the Empress and the Great Northern.  I opted for the Great Northern because it has dogs (seriously, it welcomes them: they have an entire instagram feed called “Dogs of the Great Northern Hotel”.


I had a thoroughly welcome pint of IPA and a bowl of chips and read my book.  I do think that one shouldn’t be prissy about where one reads poetry.  It’s meant to be enjoyed: if that means with food and booze, so be it.


View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Stephen Tuck (@sdtuc2) on

By about 5:30, however, the place was packed and the queue for the bar was about 15 people long.  I decided to walk the two blocks back to the Empress Hotel for another beer, which I did.

The Empress Hotel, Fitzroy
I had a very good pint of Sierra Nevada and finished reading my book.  I headed home as evening fell.  I wrote a letter to the girls when I got back to my digs.  I'll post it with a package this week.  One of the housemates was cooking by the time I finished.  I didn't feel like talking so I stretched out on the floor to catch up on meditating and calmness.



This felt very good; I might follow up with some yoga this evening before bed if I have time.

And now?  Time to make tomorrow's lunch and tonight's dinner.  For a weekend that hasn't gone to plan, it's been a pretty satisfying one.

Saturday, 21 September 2019

Busy Saturday (photo heavy)

Saturday didn’t really go to plan.  I’m good with that.

It was Red Cross that actually woke me.  My phone rang at 8:10am.  It was my Telecross convenor checking that I would, in fact, be making calls today.  I pulled myself together and grabbed my file and notebook and began calling the list: all clients were well.

It was still warm in the morning but there were some showers approaching the city.  I decided to do the laundry and groceries before going for a good run that I was kind of looking forward to.  I’d done this and was ironing my shirts when my pager went off for a roof damage callout in Fitzroy.  The Unit Duty Officer called for volunteers and I said I’d go.  We had good numbers (crew of 6, and two vehicles).


Unfortunately, the location was against us: a second story roof in a very built up area with no readily obvious way of setting up our rooftop safety system or even of accessing the roof by ladder.  Because the callout was in any case to commercial premises we recommended they contact their landlord.  Sometimes callouts work out that way.

On return to LHQ we set to work on some maintenance and clean-up tasks that were overdue, including cleaning up the sandbag storage.  This basically blotted up the time I’d set aside for running.  I didn’t care. I was overdue for penance and so I tried to do the work in that spirit.

I was back at my digs by 4:30 and decided to follow through on the evening’s planned excursion: going down to Middle Park to attend Vigil Mass at Our Lady of Mount Carmel and a beer at the Middle Park Hotel.
Our Lady of Mt Carmel Church, Middle Park, Australia

Our Lady’s at Middle Park was built in the 1920s and seems to have been remodelled at some point to put the altar near the middle of the church.  Novel layout aside, it has a beautiful, peaceful design and the liturgy was set stunningly to organ music at a number of points.

Our Lady of Mt Carmel Church, Middle Park, Australia
The Middle Park Hotel looked good from the outside and was high-gloss inside.  The crowd was watching the Collingwood-GWS game and shouting alarmingly at intervals.  I had my pint of beer and drafted a blogpost.

Middle Park Hotel
I was a bit sick of people and just wanted some peace and quiet.  I got the tram back towards my digs and got off to go to the Brandon Hotel, which contents itself with music and comfortable chairs.  The food smells good but I haven't tried it yet.  I had a glass of very good house red and read my CW.

Brandon Hotel, Fitzroy.
I walked home from there and finished the ironing.  Once I post this I'll go and have dinner and then turn in.  It's been a packed Saturday; I've enjoyed it.

A simple Friday

Friday went surprisingly well for me.  The timing uniformly broke my way.

I woke up at 6:30am, somewhat unexpectedly.  I decided to go to early Mass rather than wait till lunch time.  I hadn’t been to confession (and had a few sins on my conscience that I expect I’ll repeat, sadly) so communion was a no-go.  This was a shame but is probably what I deserved.

Stained glass window, St Francis' church, Melbourne
Most Fridays I buy breakfast rather than making up oats and coffee in my office (as I usually do).  That’s just what I did.  Seven-11 does a good line in Vegemite scrolls and coffee and that was just what I felt like.  It’s the simple things, no?

The day itself was a bit of a blur save for conferences with clients in the morning and late afternoon.  As I usually do, I worked late into the evening, this time on a Federal Court appeal that’s coming up soon.

Seal of the Federal Court of Australia
I walked home along Lygon Street in the warm evening air.  It was still warm at about 11pm and so I stopped at the Great Northern for a pint of beer.  Once again, timing broke my way.  I arrived after that night's AFL match had finished and so I could have my drink in relative peace.  Call it prejudice, but long experience traveling on trains late on Friday and Saturday nights gave me a constant fear of AFL crowds: drunk, noisy and threatening.  Anyway, the quiet gave me time to plan my weekend to the half hour.  I was back at my digs by midnight and settled on dinner of sausage and cheese toasties and a bottle of el cheapo wine.


Simplicity, I think I can say with confidence, is a good thing.