Afternoon

OK, a quick update just to clear my head before I plough back into a briefing letter.  It's past 5pm and Mrs T's given me a pass to work a bit later tonight.  Which will help: I'm drowning in work at the moment.  Still, I will head off soon though so I can spend a bit of time with the girls before they go to bed.  Sure, they probably won't remember it, but I will, and it's going to be a long stint without them.

I've been more stable today than the last few days.  It occurred to me last night that part of the thing with being up and down all the time is that once my mood starts swinging, it kind of takes on a life of its own.  The downs seem very down and the ups insanely up.  So today I've made a conscious effort to keep my reactions under control and not to keep calling myself a spazoid/retard/P.O.S./etc etc.  Haven't really faced a situation where the thought-management techniques I learned from the shrink would have been germane, but seem to have been managing nonetheless.

I may have call to use them now that the date for Mrs T and the girls to relocate to the US is getting closer.  As I think I said elsewhere, I'll likely be out here for 6-12 months before following her.  Already I do feel pretty miserable about being away from them, but I also know it's what she wants more than anything else.  I truthfully don't know quite what I'm feeling now.  I guess I miss her and the girls already, and I feel pretty guilty that this will hurt my own family, and I can't help fear that I didn't do enough to make her and the girls happy.  I know that Mrs T loves me - I've never doubted that.  I dunno: I guess the thing is that I'm looking for some kind of answer without even knowing quite what the question is.

Back to work.