The last few days

Grabbing a few minutes during lunch to start an update; I'll probably finish it after work.

It's been a big couple of days.  Friday was client free, so I was able to get quite a bit done.  I can't recall the weather, although I remember it rained in the evening.  Around midday I had an attack of the black thoughts I get sometimes, after I realized I'd failed to do something I should have done.  I was able to get it under control pretty quick though - pretty much as soon as I'd thought it, a much more useful set of thoughts went over it like a tidal wave: "No, you're not going to do anything like that; you have a beautful wife and two perfect daughters who all love you, and you have to provide for them, and that's what you're going to do, whether that's by practising law, or delivering pizzas, or by being the world's most improbable exotic dancer".  So I felt pretty pleased about that little self-correction.  I exercised my social skills at afterwork drinks - which kicked on to a dinner of Korean Fried Chicken (highly recommended I should add) and then birthday drinks for one of my colleagues at a bar.  Going out isn't really my thing, but it was a fun evening although I'd forgotten how many weird people are loose in Melbourne on a Friday night.

Saturday was mostly spent at the house in Heatherton clearing the last of the junk out.  A trip to Cash Converters netted $150.00, which was good.  I dismantled the back yard swing to take to the tip, but exasperatingly took a wrong turn and by the time I got there they were closing.  I drove around for a bit trying to find somewhere - anywhere - to get rid of it, and in the end took it back to the garage and stacked it for next weekend.  Stuff it.  Rather than take it to the tip (and pay for the privilege of dumping it) I'll take it to Highett Metals and sell it for scrap.  Even if it's only worth $15.00 (as I suspect to be the case), we may as well have it.  It rained on and off all day, sometimes heavily, and I was out in the South Eastern suburbs till 5:30.  Then I came into the office and worked till about 11:00pm and then went home.

Sunday was another office day.  Exasperatingly, I missed my window in the day to go to Mass, so I'll try and get to lunchtime Mass through this week to make up for it.  I bought an aircard at Officeworks and set it up in the evening, so as soon as the timezones align I'll skype Mrs T and the girls.  I'm double-pleased about that.  I spoke to Mrs T by phone; she and the girls were going to PR's place to have dinner and stay the night and watch LSU beat the bejeesus out of Ole Miss.  It was great to hear her voice and to listen to the munchkins in the background (big smile!).  The day at the office was fiddly - just mundane catchup work, but better to do it on a Sunday than during the week.  Annoyingly, the black thoughts lurked a bit in the afternoon, but for once my tiny mind was being useful and I thought "these things just come on in waves... Just ignore those thoughts and in an hour or two you'll be yourself again".  And indeed, so I was!  The learning from this being, I guess, that just because your mind conjures up multiple versions of Marley's ghost, moaning and clanking their chains, you shouldn't run from it.  Just remember they're no more than tricks of the light, and walk though them.  Often easier said than done, of course.

The sharehouse was a tense environment Sunday night... Katie (older 40ish resident who seems to see herself as the Queen Bee of the premises) had the royal shits with Paul (Irish guy) and Jenn (Canadian backpacker) over the mess some of Paul's friends had made the previous night.  I tried to stay out of it.  All I want is a place to sleep, shower and cook and to stay out of the politics.

Today's been good. I met with my boss for case reviews in the morning.  She was really good about the mess my work's in at the moment, so as long as I can tidy it up soonish (which I can) and keep any major calamities from happening (hopefully ditto) things should be OK.

Insert a break of a couple of hours for the afternoon's work...

OK, productive afternoon.  Getting on top of things, slowly.  Good.  I got a bit of a morale boost in the form of seeing my secretary's review of me (part of the performance review process) saying what a nice guy I am.  I didn't even have to bribe her!

One more thought: This weekend did give me a chance to look back at bachelorhood days and remember why I never regretted leaving them behind that much: The trackless, aimless routine of them.  There was something awful about being in bed on a Sunday morning and sleeping late, not because you want to, but because you can't press yourself to get up, and about going to the office because you don't know what else to do.  Casting my mind back before Mrs T, I just look at how I lived with a kind of horror: a life of just filling in time without dreams, or any real goal, or anything except getting from one day/week/month to the next.  I sometimes wonder what my life would have looked like if I hadn't found her, and there's no version of it that isn't depressing.  Which makes me so grateful to my own little family: They need me, but really not half as much as I need them.