Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Missing a giant point?

Over the last few days I've been thinking a bit about a painting by Goya that I never seem to be able to look at enough.  The picture is "The Giant" -

http://claralieu.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/goya_giant.jpg
from here

I stress that I am not Simon Schama or Robert Hughes.  I honestly have no idea what Goya had in mind when he painted this, nor whether he intended the giant in the picture to be literal or allegorical or what. What I can tell you though is what I get from this picture (because, Goddammit, this is my blog and I'll post what I want).

When I look at this picture, the Giant seems to me to be the epitome of sadness.  You get some idea of the scale which is intended from the tiny cluster of houses and a church in the mid-foreground (they don't really show up on the jpeg version I'm afraid).  Given both the scale and physique of the Giant, it's clear it is the epitome of invulnerability: the concepts on offer in the picture give no reason for thinking its physical security could ever be endangered.  But (and this is where the sadness appears) this strength seems to be more of a curse than a blessing.  Its sheer size means it will be terrifying to any community it encounters.  Whatever it might do to interact with a person or thing - by way of physical contact or even communication - will likely destroy them.  And there is no sign of another being of a similar nature to share its sadness.

In effect, the Giant seems to be an entity which has acquired all the traits of a God except the capacity to interact with Creation save to destroy it.  One thinks, perhaps, of the words attributed (almost certainly falsely) to Alexander the Great:

There are no more worlds left to conquer!

Which may explain the body language in the picture: the slumped shoulders of lassitude and utter boredom, and the head turning, desperately hoping to hear something intended for its own ears.

Perhaps this is the saddest thing imaginable: Having achieved the ne plus ultra in invulnerability, it lies upon him like a curse which cannot be lifted.  One looks, and finds no exit.

Monday, 29 April 2013

Day on the move

Hi everyone,

A day on the move. Job interview in Shepparton this morning. Went well; may translate into at least a short term contract.

Returned to house by 2pm. Dad wanted to return to Flinders and so we did, coming back by way of Brunswick (the smell of the air was a burst of olfactory memories) and the Guild meeting at Burwood. I'll be this side on the Ranges till at least Monday next given the Puffing Billy run on Sunday and an interview Monday in Melbourne.

After being in all these places today (Goulburn Valley, city and Flinders) I'm feeling a little deracinated. Nowhere feels quite like home anymore. Naturally this had me thinking about Joni and Rachel and Grace and the little home we had for a time.  Some feelings are too deep for words.

No more for now. More tomorrow.

Saturday, 27 April 2013

Sunday morning

Hi everyone,

Quick post by phone before I get the day underway.

Cloudy morning here and cool. Possibly rain to come but I doubt it.  Breakfast while radio played "Australia All Over" which parents like. Of all the things that are a problem for moving country Australia forward, that 5 hours of radio each week is high on the list: how can someone be persuaded to relocate away from thr city if their chief impression of country-dwellers is a whiny, nostalgic insularity?  Sigh.

Bad attack of the blues the last few days thinking about how far off track my life has gone. The dark clouds lifted from over me yesterday about 2pm; I'm feeling somewhat back to normal this morning, if not 100%.  A little sunlight and moving around outside should do the trick. Ideally I'd go to Mass but open religion tends to make things uncomfortable around the Casa.  "Blessed are the peacemakers"? I hope so!

More soon. There's sunlight and clean air to enjoy!

Muddy Saturday

Better day today. Day spent digging scrap metal and timber from out of floor of a dam where the dearth of rain has exposed it. Fearful mess of fencing wire and fragments of farm machinery.

Conducted a purge of my friends in facebook which was surprisingly liberating.

Barbequed chops and sausages for dinner. Cloudy night.

More tomorrow.

Friday, 26 April 2013

Friday

Bright and warm Friday.  Shepparton in morning. Printed legal prac regis'n forms.

Piling up sticks in afternoon for burning.  Some misquitos about.

Very tired this evening. Readying for sleep sleep at 10:30pm.

More soon.

Monday, 22 April 2013

Cooler weather

Hi everyone,

Not sure whether I have a lot or a little to report.

Parents returned to property this evening.  Re-adapting.

Looks like job in Wangaratta will fall through. Another place tried by recruiter in Shepparton also has no vacancies. I sent off a bunch of 'cold' applications this afternoon to employers throughout the Goulburn Valley. Tried to renew my practiding certificate online this afternoon. Was advised that, being unemployed, I'll need to do so as a sole practitioner by registering my own legal practice. Bloody nuisance but will give me a chance to put some distance between myself and the last job. Now thinking how I can make a virtue of this necessity.

To Flinders tomorrow. Back Wednesday.

More soon.

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Short update ... late

Hi everyone,

It's terribly late, so this'll be short.  Good day; parents away for a few days so wil let me exercise and eat as required.  Needed some alone time!

But, need to go to Melb to see recruiter tomorrow afternoon. Possible other job in the offing?

More tomorrow.

Monday, 15 April 2013

Monday.

Hi everyone,

Some small rain last night. Cooler today.

Tidying up about here. Seven old chopper cows to Shepparton saleyards in evening.

Knocked back for job in Melbourne. Still no word re Wangaratta job. Recruiter now offering CV to a few other places. No word re an in house role I applied for either.

Cool tonight. Very tired.

More tomorrow.

Saturday, 13 April 2013

Sunday morning ... tired

Hi everyone,

It's just after 7am Sunday morning. Posting this from the phone.

Yesyerday was a big day. Woke (not deliberately) about 5am and by 6:30 had talked myself into going for a run of about 5 miles. Good run. Sky very red. Lots of smoke in the air from burning stubble fields.

Went to Barry S's at Mansfield to lend a hand shifting his cattle from Mansfield to Warrenbayne. He took 2 loads and us 3 (this suited the logistics best). Total travel for the day about 800kms! Lots of chasing cattle; also cursing, belting, climbing on rails and the like. Beautiful country in the hills at Mansfield (pic below) but eaten well down. Good country at Warrenbayne and his cows and calves should do well on it.

Home by 9:30pm. Patchy night's sleep. Not sure what's planned for today.

More later.

Sunday morning ... tired

Hi everyone,

It's just after 7am Sunday morning. Posting this from the phone.

Yesyerday was a big day. Woke (not deliberately) about 5am and by 6:30 had talked myself into going for a run of about 5 miles. Good run. Sky very red. Lots of smoke in the air from burning stubble fields.

Went to Barry S's at Mansfield to lend a hand shifting his cattle from Mansfield to Warrenbayne. He took 2 loads and us 3 (this suited the logistics best). Total travel for the day about 800kms! Lots of chasing cattle; also cursing, belting, climbing on rails and the like. Beautiful country in the hills at Mansfield (pic below) but eaten well down. Good country at Warrenbayne and his cows and calves should do well on it.

Lots of time in the truck today meant lots of time to think, which meant lots of time to think about Joni and Grace and Rachel. I know I should be angry and bitter with her but I'm not.  What can I say? I still love her. On the subject of love, St Paul to the Corinthians said it all. I can be patient.

Lots of cloud today but frustratingly no rain.

Home by 9:30pm. Patchy night's sleep. Not sure what's planned for today.

More later.

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Cold cases

Hi everyone,

Just a short "I'm not dead" post.

Mildly frustrating day. Another knockback for a long legal piece. Visit to property at Rushworth to get some furniture.

Noticed this evening how many 'cold case' detective shows are on TV these days - "Cold Case", "New Tricks" and "Waking the Dead" all come to mind.  Wondering what that might say about our civilization's attitude to past and present law enforcement. Perhaps an anti-nostalgia?

Not much else to pass on.  Applied for 2 jobs with Caterpillar today.

More tomorrow.

Monday, 8 April 2013

Late night note

It's 1am. I just got up to go to the bathroom and poked my head outside.

Even up here I can hear the waves breaking at the mouth of the creek. There is scarcely a breath of wind. The stars hang peaceful and beautiful in the chilly, cloudless air.

The country feels at peace.

Sunday, 7 April 2013

Luncheon update

Hi everyone,

Typing this after lunch. Likely to be a shortish post.

Spent the morning at Pakenham Livestock Exchange for the sale of the bullocks from yesterday. Sold pretty well, at around $950.00 a head.

A slightly strange moment on the drive over, when for some reason I suddenly realised "Joni actually despises you". Fun. Definitely a moment for which the "more in sorrow than in anger" response was made.

Looked about in Dandenong for a replacement ram for the broken one after the market, without success. Shopping then back here. Lunch. Read the twitterfeed from the ACM Awards which was hilarious. Top tweet, I think, was "Taylor Swift is STILL dancing? Someone take her batteries out!".

Likely to head back to Shepparton tomorrow via tractor wrecker at Somerton.

Forgot to mention that a vacancy gas come up inside Caterpillar's workers comp division; applications open for the next few days so I'll apply when I'm next near a working computer.

Thinking quite a bit at the moment about historical perspectives on modern agriculture. Still persuaded that my theory about mismatched experiences of time has significant explanatory power in current and past problems. I just need time to finish writing the bloody article setting it all out!!!

Enough for now I guess. More later

Sunday, late evening

Hi everyone,

Another lateish phone post where I'm struggling to stay awake. Sorry for the quality in advance.

Beautiful autumn day here. Morning was cloudy but not misty (photo below). Time spent getting truck ready to move cattle in afternoon.  Found time in day for us to go to cliffs overlooking bay to gather mushrooms (photo below).

Managed to squeeze in a 3.5 mile run in afternoon. Loaded cattle (5 large bullocks in great condition) from Mt Martha in afternoon and took to Pakenham Saleyards (photos below).  Thought about Joni a lot on way back. Feel terribly sad for her chiefly.

Fran had made dinner God bless her!  Dinner, TV, shower and bed.

See you tomorrow.

Friday, 5 April 2013

Friday, midnight.

Hi everyone,

Short update before my phone conks out.  By way of bullet points -

1.  Day has been heavily spent on the road delivering and picking up things. Pleasant as always to see all the old haunts in Red Hill and Rosebud and Mount Martha, but they've changed immeasurably. Moreover, they're now heavily bound up with memories of Joni which is something I have mixed feelings about.

2.  I'm finding I've lost so much weight my wedding band threatens to come off with unguarded hand movements. I'm trying not to see thus as a sign of any sort.

3.  Surprisingly, even when you're out of work, the weekends still feel important because you feel less useless. The worst thing about unemployment (aside from the lack of pay) is finding that life gets rather unstructured.

4.  On a related note, I got an email today from the Victorian Givernment advising I'd been knocked back for a job I'd forgotten I'd applied for.

5.  I got an email today advising I'd passed my French language DELF exam.

6.  Chilly autumn mornings are a blessing from God!

Have a great day.  More tomorrow.

Wednesday, 3 April 2013

Wednesday

Hi everyone,

Beautiful autumn day today: clear sky and warm as long as you were in the sunshine. Air cold but revitalising otherwise.

More clearing sticks and branches from road paddocks in morning till lunch. Fran and Michael drove back to town after lunch. House feels rather empty without them.

More getting sticks and timber in afternoon; also stacking firewood. Visitors in late afternoon; I seized the opportunity to sneak off and do some reading and jot down ideas for a piece.

To Flinders tomorrow for a few days work down there.

Tired tonight.  More updates tomorrow.

Photo below is just one from a few days ago. Enjoy!

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Another phone post...

Hi everyone,

Another post from the phone.

It's been a good day. Some alone time this morning when the tribe went to Shepparton. Driving steel posts for new fence in afternoon.  Pleasant autumn afternoon.

Fired up frying gear at mum's request in evening when oven died half way through cooking chicken.

Fran and Michael heading back to Melbourne tomorrow. Will actually miss them!

Sorry this is so terse. Tired!

More tomorrow.

Monday, 1 April 2013

Evening update

Hi everyone,

Another post from the phone tonight.  It's been a good day: lots of walking and outside work, and good mild weather to boot.  Mostly the day has been given over to clearing the road paddock of large sticks and scrap metal.

I've drafted a post which hopefully one of my friends on a higher-traffic blog will feel like running as a guest post, failing which I'll run it here and on goodreads.com as it's actually kinda good!

Medium run in the evening: maybe 8-9 miles? Need to sweat off the last few days' indulgence!

I had a mildly depressing insight listening to the "Country Hour" over lunch: Are the current crop of problems facing Australian farmers the product of treating a small-to-medium business as a lifestyle issue. For example, by insisting on being paid more than x cents a litre for milk because "I'm a dairy farmer, like my father and grandfather were". Even though, clearly, the marmet has no intention of paying more for the product. Surely the question to ask is: "How can I add value to the product so to charge more". Maybe the current pairs are part of the slow, painful transiton from family farming to agribusiness,

I guess that's enough for now.

See you tomorrow.