Here I am at second oldest sister's house the night before the Melbourne Marathon. I drove down to the city this morning, went to the MCG to collect my race pack, then back to Brunswick to see a client who's based in the city. I had lunch of pasta on Lygon Street, and then came out to here. I had a really delightful and pleasant (and soundly carb heavy!) afternoon and dinner with Jennie and JP, and now I'm typing this on my phone the night before getting some sleep.
I'd be lying if I said I was a font of excitement tonight . Truth is, I feel a bit blue. I've been missing Grace and Rachel immensely the last few weeks, because for various reasons I haven't felt I could or should facetime or Skype them. And Joni's not the easiest person to approach, so asking how they're doing tends to get a frosty response. But they're growing up and I'm not there to be a father to them, and in light if that, everything else I do - running, publishing, work, whatever - just feels like so much trash.
Added to which, I'm kind of feeling like what I am - mid 30s, introverted, a mix of mediocrity and clown - means I'm having some doubt that I'll meet anyone else, or ever have a family of my own. I found maybe the one woman on the planet who wanted to be with me and I lost her. Pace the Internet, there actually aren't plenty more fish in the sea. Sadly, these are the moments when I look at the fifty or so years of life ahead if me and feel like my task is simply to get on, serve my allotted sentence in this identity, and hope like Hell the Hindus are right about reincarnation, and that I'll get a second chance to get things right.
Well, no more for now. Will update you in the race tomorrow night.
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