A Friday evening post

Hi everyone,

Typing this before I get on the road and while I have a bottle of water.

Disappointed by today.  Even for a day where I knew most of my work would be non-billable, to see my figures at 17% for the day and 68% for the week is just depressing.

I have these flashes of my mojo, but too much time spent not being as good as I can be.  And what saddens me is that in my ears I still hear the ex's voice telling me "you can't hold down a real job".  Every so often I have these flashes of brilliance, but mostly what I'm seeing this evening is a shitload of emails with little red flags which mean "follow up".

I know I can get this back on track.  Compared to the waist-deep s+++ I've been in at other times, this is just a week or two of being off my game.  But still: I suppose I'm acutely sensitive of where I score on the "loser index".

There's one more full week of work to go.  Let's make the bastard count.

More shortly.

Thursday Thousand

Hi everyone,

Something of an up-and-down day here in lawyer land.  The morning wasn't actually unproductive, but it was a little taken up with non-billable work.  Still, I was able to send off another journal article today, for one of the ABA newsletters, so there was that too.

Things were more productive after lunch, and I was feeling my legal mojo kicking in, so I'm feeling kind of good for tomorrow.

Went and did a site inspection at Mooroopna after work and feeling more confident about liability in a certain matter.  Then to Victoria Park Lake to grind out a few kilometres.  Very pleased to report that they were enough to get me up to 1000 miles (yes, miles) for 2013!  Let's see if I can do even better in 2014!

Warm night this evening.  Weather expected to be hot for a while.

Pre burger

Hi everyone,

Typing this while watching the end of The Cleveland Show and before Bob's Burgers.  The importance of TV in my life is kind of disheartening.

Up and down day at work.  Couldn't focus for shit in the morning.  Went up to Yarrawonga to see a new client with Renae in the afternoon.  Went well and should be a very good file for her to run.

Country drying out between here and the border.

Still just feel badly off my game and can't seem to come out of it.  I think I'll give it a week and if I can't shake it, go see the doctor (for want of any better ideas).

Tuesday lunch-hour

Hi everyone,

Quick post before I get back to work.  I just went to the post office and mailed some depressingly pedestrian gifts for the girls.  It was one of those times when, out of the blue, it hit me just how damn far away from them I am.  Less than awesome, as feelings go.

If I'm honest, knowing that makes most things feel pretty pointless.  All this dreck that I get published is just so much blather.  And even having gotten fit and healthy seems, I dunno, kind of hollow without my own little family to share it with.

I'm kind of making peace with the likelihood that I might well not find someone new, and in any case I'm not 100% sure I would want to.  I'd still like to have a little family of my own, but I also feel like that would be to treat a second wife or further children as (so to speak) a silver medal.  That isn't how you should treat someone.

Sorry - I know I'm being kind of a downer here!

More later.

Sunday afternoon

Hi everyone,

Typing this on a Sunday afternoon.  

It's been a quiet few days.  Office Christmas function on Friday night, which went well and far better than the GVLA dinner the Friday before.

Farm work yesterday.  A mile or so of steel posts lifted one by one with the backhoe and a lifting chain and the earth rammed tight about them with a crowbar.  I put this up on dailymile as 'rowing' and I surely have blisters to match.

Last night I finished the first draft if a sort article on a recent Privy Council decision.  I've spent this morning sketching the outline of a short piece for the ABA Workers' Comp newsletter.

When the day cools down a little I'll head out for a run.  Legs are tired but I kinda need it: having one of those slightly schizophrenic days where I don't much want to interact with anyone but keep checking Twitter and Facebook hoping someone will communicate with me!

Another hot and buggy night

Hi everyone,

It's another warm night here, and the window outside my room is again crawling with insects.  In the neighbour's paddock near to the house, a header is still grinding round at midnight.

A wind has just come up; not sure if any rain is in our future, although I imagine the grain cockies must be hoping not.

It was another 'blah' day at work: working ok but not how I was a while ago.  Good chat with Oldest Sister Economist on GoogleTalk about the challenge to the ACT's same sex marriage law.  The more I think about it , the less I'd be willing to predict the outcome, although I have a feeling the court may refuse to decide the matter on the grounds that the Commonwealth can override the law simply by declaring it invalid and no constitutional issue arises unless one of the states passes a gay marriage law.  I guess we'll see next Thursday when a decision comes down.

Parental units back from Flinders. All well.

Very tired tonight.  More tomorrow.

Warm Monday night

Hi everyone,

Typing this post on my phone in bed on a bloody warm, bug infested Monday night.

It's been a mixed day.  Tolerably productive, but I felt off my game and I'm still not working at anything like my peak. This annoys me.

Someone reminded me today that the office Christmas function is this Friday.  Seriously thinking of baling on it.  For one thing, I'm still feeling the aftershocks of  Friday night.  For another, the last two work Christmas functions I've been to have been A-grade screw ups for somewhat different reasons.  I don't really want to know how this one might unfold.

Added to which, I'm not feeling exactly Christmassy anyway.  I love the people I follow on twitter and all who are thrilled to have a month of holiday movies and music and the like ahead of them, but this year I'm not even close to feeling it.  It's not a "bah humbug" thing.  It's more... I don't know. Apathy?  I suppose that word gets close.

Not much else to record for the day.  Just feeling - I dunno - a little bit directionless.

More tomorrow.