Hi everyone,
Starting this post on the tram and expect I'll finish it on the laptop.
Lordy but I have been tired all day. Not brain tired, fortunately, but physically tired in the sense of “it's a good thing this shirt has a collar because otherwise I don't think I could hold my head up". Even multiple coffees and fresh fruit didn't give me much of a lift. I think it's just the combined effects of yesterday's run, the last annoying remnant of a cold, and not sleeping so well last night. Anyway, a few stretches and a good night's sleep is what I need.
The last thing I did before finishing work today was pack up my office. No, I haven't been sacked! But for reasons too complex to type by phone I have been asked to move to another office so someone else can have mine. Suffice it to say it's not a disciplinary or punitive move. But it does mean I go to an internal office and lose my view of the Yarra River. >snif!<
The high point of the day was Joni sending me a video of Rachel, which I watched once ... than then kept hitting replay 3 times. I miss my girls so much. They were doing their own little Halloween last week - A Night at the Boo-seum", and Rachel was going to be Dorothy and Grace Tinkerbell. It's so cute, but it makes me ache too, because I'll never get to be part of their lives like I hoped I'd be, and get to be the father I thought I'd be, and there'll be something missing from their childhoods that they'll never know, and this breaks my heart. Surely, surely this is too high a price to have to pay because for once in my stupid life I wasn't able to cope?
I guess not. God forbid that there should be a burden in the world I cannot shoulder.
To love in this situation isn't easy, not at all. At least it's straightforward. Totus tuus ego sum, et omnia mea tua sunt.
Starting this post on the tram and expect I'll finish it on the laptop.
Lordy but I have been tired all day. Not brain tired, fortunately, but physically tired in the sense of “it's a good thing this shirt has a collar because otherwise I don't think I could hold my head up". Even multiple coffees and fresh fruit didn't give me much of a lift. I think it's just the combined effects of yesterday's run, the last annoying remnant of a cold, and not sleeping so well last night. Anyway, a few stretches and a good night's sleep is what I need.
The last thing I did before finishing work today was pack up my office. No, I haven't been sacked! But for reasons too complex to type by phone I have been asked to move to another office so someone else can have mine. Suffice it to say it's not a disciplinary or punitive move. But it does mean I go to an internal office and lose my view of the Yarra River. >snif!<
The high point of the day was Joni sending me a video of Rachel, which I watched once ... than then kept hitting replay 3 times. I miss my girls so much. They were doing their own little Halloween last week - A Night at the Boo-seum", and Rachel was going to be Dorothy and Grace Tinkerbell. It's so cute, but it makes me ache too, because I'll never get to be part of their lives like I hoped I'd be, and get to be the father I thought I'd be, and there'll be something missing from their childhoods that they'll never know, and this breaks my heart. Surely, surely this is too high a price to have to pay because for once in my stupid life I wasn't able to cope?
I guess not. God forbid that there should be a burden in the world I cannot shoulder.
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