I'm typing this tonight on 1 June 2017 because I doubt I'll have a chance to do it tomorrow. I'll cue it to post sometime in the small hours.
This post will go live on 2 June 2017. June 2nd is my wedding anniversary. This year would have been (is?) the ten year anniversary. I'm sitting here typing this and wondering why I'm not reacting to it in any significant way. I only noticed the date was coming up the other day. In the last year or two, I've been generally aware of June 2nd in the same general way I'm aware of July 15th (Fall of Jerusalem in 1099) or October 25th (Russian Revolution in 1917). Since noticing it, I've vaguely thought that I should do something to mark it. Truthfully, though, I really can't be bothered. Not in a huffy "letting severely alone" way. I just can't really give a toss.
I suppose I should mourn in some way the life the ex and I started all those years ago, and the death of all that possibility. Still, it's been over a long time. I feel less regret now than ever. It only recently struck me that after it all went kerplooie, I was entirely cut off by the my children's godparents. The former in laws (save for the ex's parents) have made little if any effort to stay in touch. These two points feel oddly liberating. They are (or were) faithful and committed Roman Catholics, and their repudiation of me so much mocks the sacraments of Communion, Baptism and Matrimony that I feel largely absolved from my obligations of faith to anyone except my beloved daughters.
I have wondered if I am missing the city life I had with the ex. I suppose I am: after all, I've gone from having a window office in two of these buildings -
|Long time readers will know that I previously worked in Bourke Place and the Rialto Tower|
- to working here today as a rouseabout -
|Shearing shed near Costerfield, Victoria, Australia|
It may or may not be significant that today in the shearing shed pictured I was working in the Tommy Hilfiger jeans she wanted me to buy years upon years ago!
The old life is slipping away a little more each time. I guess I'm OK with that. God does not intend us to be prisoners of the roads we have travelled. If he did, He'd never have allowed us to see new horizons.
|Image borrowed from Janie and Steve, Utah Trails: Almost Spring in the Grand Canyon|