This entry finds me in a somewhat reflective mood.
It's been a full day. I traded texts with Joni this morning and we set a time to skype at 12:30pm Melbourne time. That gave me enough time to get the necessary groceries for the week from the supermarket on Sydney Road. This trip involved a measure of trepidation: My boss lives in the next suburb over, and Sydney Road is about the border between that suburb and this. Somehow, meeting the person I report to outside of work seems a little (note, a little, not a lot) awkward. Anyway, I got there no problems and got the few things I need for the week without incident. Basically, all I needed was things to fix lunches with (a six-pack of bread rolls, some chicken meat, and shampoo). And, ripe avocadoes were on special so I got two of them too.
I was back in plenty of time to skype with Joni and the girls. Annoyingly the aircard I was using couldn't muster up the bandwidth to have video at both ends, so I turned off my video such that I could see the girls but they couldn't see me. They're such perfect girls, so pretty and active and clever and playing so smartly. And Joni is as pretty as ever. She was wearing a shirt I recognised, and jeans that looked familiar too. It was so great and heart-enlarging to see them, but it made me miss them awfully too. I just miss them all. I miss not being able to kiss my little angels and play peek-a-boo with them, and play chasey and feed them and hear them laugh. And I miss not being able to cuddle up to Joni on a cold night and see her smile and mix her a drink in the evening and open a bottle of wine to breathe. I just miss my family
Soon, soon. And as I said when Joni and I hatched this plan: I should complain. We have to be apart for a while, basically for economic reasons, but not because one of us has been told to (say) ship out Afghanistan. And in the scheme of things, we're not going to be apart for long. And, while we were talking Joni told me of a friend we have over there who's had a pretty awful family tragedy recently. And that kind of puts one's own things into perspective.
Incidentally, while we were talking, Joni asked if I was OK (as in, in light of the issues in the past). It felt really good to be able to say yes. And it's true. In spite of being back at work, and in spite of having had a couple of more-or-less bruising weeks, the blue devils haven't troubled me in the longest time. I might have a lousy day, and I miss my family, but the blues don't trouble me any more. I can't say what's different. The medication surely helps, and what I've learned from Sonia the Psychologist has been invaluable, and the shock effect on me of Joni wanting breathing space seems to have brought it all together to pull the scales off of my eyes. I feel like I've been given a massive second chance. It's the best feeling you can imagine!
After skyping I headed into the office to catch up on some of the work I hadn't been able to do because of being in Court all week. It was a peaceful, productive afternoon. The sky outside clouded over into a dark sky all the way to the horizon (which is one of the photos) in a way that's always had a fascination for me. When I was in one of the school choirs, back in 1993, I remember thinking how incredible it would be to have a choir singing the "Lachrymosa" from Berlioz's Requiem under such a sky in one of the paddocks at "Glenhope", where we used to go on holidays when I was a kid. And there seemed to be a lot of those skies when I lived in the Halls of Residence at Monash University. That was the time in my life where I guess I first genuinely discovered what it meant to be alone. I came to know this sensation a lot better in the following couple of years in my life, but that was kind of the first time I found myself (for want of a better phrase) letting life go on without me, as if I were standing outside of it all, and sometimes looking in. So the sky today brought that thought back to me, and I had the feeling my mind was trying to tell me something but I had no idea what on earth it was. It's that which has me feeling a bit reflective this evening.
"It is not good that man should be alone": Genesis 2:18.
I left the office about 8:20pm and was back at the sharehouse by 9:00pm. I made my lunches for the week (rolls, avocado, chicken and bacon bits). On Sunday nights dinner is usually the same as the week's lunch: Because rolls are sold in half-dozens, and there's only 5 days in a working week, there's always a roll left over. So, I have the remaining roll with the remaining ham or chicken that didn't go into the rolls. So, dinner tonight was a roll with a whole avocado and chicken meat and also bacon bits, done up like a big hamburger. Gotta say: delicious! Then, back up here to finish last night's desert and type this blog post.
OK, I guess that's enough for now. Thank God this week looks quieter than last week!
See you tomorrow.
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