Weekend over it.

Hi everyone,

So another weekend has been and gone. It‘s 11:20pm and I‘m waiting for the tram back to the Casa.

If my tone sounds flat, it‘s because I‘m struggling to find my ‘up‘ button. I‘m not actually having an attack of the blue devils. It‘s just a “dissatisfied with myself“ kind of thing.

Yesterday I indulged myself with a couple of hours at the Bailieu Library before going to the office, which was good. Good, but for one thing: for about 4 months now I‘ve been trying not to think about whether Joni finds me to be just a nuisance now, hence the usual lack of responses to text messages, emails, fb messages, letters and so on. I‘ve tried not to think about it, and always to find a doubt of which to give her the benefit. And yesterday while I was at the Bailieu something on facebook was just kind of the last straw and I sent her a couple of fairly hurt fb messages.  I don‘t know what, if any, the fallout will be. Maybe I‘ve finally fucked my marriage up forever. I don‘t know. I don‘t know.

I spent about 5pm to 11pm on Saturday at the office. Dinner there.

I slept too late this morning to make it to Mass, so I kind of started the day out annoyed with myself. In to the office from about midday to 11pm. Productive day, and I got to hear the NY Met. Opera‘s production of Verdi‘s Macbeth in the evening on the radio, so that was a plus. Dinner at office and now, heading back to the Casa.

I sent a job application off today, to one of the Universities for a research associate‘s job. It‘s not a job I‘m wild about, chiefly on economic grounds (part time, and pay is not great) but I may have limited options! So, let‘s keep our lines in the water.

I guess that‘s it for now. A little tired of myself this evening. Still, the sun will rise tomorrow and things, I‘m sure, will take a turn for the better.

See you tomorrow.