Late on a cool night

Hi everyone,

This one's drafted on my laptop from Shepparton - I'm presently offline and typing it in Notepad.  Shortly when it's close to time to skype with the girls I'll fire up the aircard and post it.

I'm skyping late tonight for two reasons.  One is that it's when the timezones align and I'm hoping my aircard will work better at night in the same way radio reception gets better at night.  And the other is that combining Joni, the girls, and my own family in an awake condition is something I'm genuinely not ready to do.

Today I've been kind of trying to hold the blue devils at bay.  I slept OK last night, meaning I only woke up once or twice (the average in the last few months is two to four times a night), and it's been a warm and sunny day largely spent outside.  But, mum's seems to be making a point of being cheerful.  I'm not sure if that's for my benefit, but it means she gaily talks a lot which one needs to react to, and which I'm finding an effort.  And Little Sister's fellow Michael has this demeanour where he seems to be channelling the older brother I never had.  Usually this wouldn't trouble me but today it was something which was having a "fingernails on blackboard" effect on me I'm afraid.  So, I've chiefly been spending meals looking down at my plate and keeping quiet.

Anyway, God willing I'll get a run in tomorrow morning and in that case the extra endorphins will set me to rights.  Seems a shame to waste a long weekend.

On a less broody note, today was Australia Day!  So, 225 years since the first settlement at Sydney Harbour!  I've deliberately avoided the newspaper coverage today because it's always the same every year ("Australia's the greatest place on earth" vs "How can you celebrate Invasion Day?") with a dash of republic / new flag / cause du jour thrown in.

It's also the 205th anniversary of the Rum Rebellion - the successful military coup against the government of Governor Bligh in Sydney - in 1808.  The rebellion was carried out by the New South Wales Corps, which later became the 102nd Regiment of Foot and took part in the occupation of Northern Maine during the War of 1812.  I've been doing some research for a friend of mine in Maine who's involved with the commemoration of the occupation.  I found that a surprising number of people either joined or received commissions in the regiment in New south Wales who were still serving in it when it was active in the US.  Unfortunately, the UK's public records office hasn;t been great at accessing relevant records by remote control, so there might be a limit to what can be done with this.  Mem: I should check and see if anything archaeological is being done in connection with this subject.  For once I might have something useful to offer!

OK, I guess there's nothing much more I can think of right now.  Sorry this isn't a more exciting post: my head's kinda not there.

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Hi everyone,

I just got through a great skype with the girls.  They were in their little princess dresses (Rachel was Rapunzel and Grace Cinderella) and looked like they were really happy to see me!

The skype was great, but it made me so painfully aware of what I have lost.  Having faith is great, and I never want to lose it.  But there are times like this, when I wish it allowed the luxury of despair.  Knowing (which I do) that you are strong enough to push through painful times is a blessing, but sometimes it can also feel like a curse.

Well, no point dwelling on it.  I have the most beautiful and sweet natured daughters in the world, and already you can see the gentle and loving women they'll become.  And somehow, I know that when they're old enough they'll also forgive Daddy his failings.  So, there's still much to look forward to with hope.  As Ludwig Boltzmann proved, all things are possible with time.