Hi everyone,
Sorry if the formatting in this post is poor: I'm typing it from my phone.
Also sorry if this post tends towards whiny and self pitying. I'll try and avoid such.
I drove to the office this morning, so that I could get in the car and drive straight to the parents' place after work, so to be there to break The News after dinner in as little damaging an environment as possible. Little Sister, God love her, came down as moral support which I was pretty grateful for.
So, after dinner I broke the news about getting fired and the divorce paperwork. I tried to be matter of fact about it all, since I was telling them that in one fell swoop they'd lost their daughter in law and granddaughters, and I felt like it'd be a real kick in the guts for them.
I needn't have worried.
The ensuing conversation ran for about an hour. As the matter is sub judice I won't go over what was discussed. What struck me though was that after about 15 minutes Dad decided to go and call back one of his contacts about some steers he'd sold the previous week, and spent most of the next 60 minutes on the phone, and then came back in and told us all about weights, fat percentages and cents per kilo. Later in the evening he said that he thought things would work out, but otherwise didn't much ask about it.
Mum was marginally more engaged, but seemed more interested in knowing what I'd gotten wrong. As to the girls, I think her advice was to "let them go" (I'm not sure I remember correctly; it might also have been to "give them up"), as if they were furniture or pets, which I thought was cold even for her. When I told little sister that I still considered myself bound by the promises I'd made to Joni when we married she mumbled something ending with the words "grow a backbone". Otherwise, the only thing that seemed to pique her interest was persuading me to go and be a country solicitor in Shepparton for "a few years". Because, you know, God forbid that Grace and Rachel should have a father even minimally in their lives.
Regular readers know how much I love my sisters. And I love my parents because this evening that was all that kept me from screaming profanities and dropping my pants in the hope of getting their attention. But if this evening has taught me anything it's that I need to keep looking further afield to pursue my own dreams in life. Whatever it is I want, I'm pretty sure it's not here. I wish it was, but it isn't.
Off to Shepparton tomorrow with Dad and a load of farm supplies. Will try to post from up there; otherwise back on Sunday.
More soon.
One of my favorite verses from the Bible is Ephesians 3:20...God can do more than you can even imagine. I have suffered many things in my life. I should be so many bad things, but I have made the decision to follow Christ. (I mean I could have made so many bad decisions that left me far away from my Savior.)
ReplyDeleteI look back on times where I felt so many things had been taken from me. I realize now that God does not do things to harm us. He does not allow bad things to happen to us so we can suffer. We can take these bad moments and use them for growth and for Christ.
God may be opening up doors for you that will lead you to great happiness and joy. We will never walk through new doors if the old ones aren't shut.
I am a woman who grew up without a father. His motto was that he didn't want to bother me or burden me. It is deeply painful to know he didn't, and doesn't, love me enough to need to be a part of my life. Had I had a father in my life, I may have not suffered many of the abuses I did. I would have learned earlier how to be treated by a man. I would have known that giving my body away was not the way to receive love. God has gifted you with beautiful daughters. Do whatever you have to do to be with them. Sometimes nothing makes sense, but if we trust God to lead us, He will. Your love for your girls is so evident. God has given you this great love.
I am praying for you and your family.