Thursday, 30 May 2013
This is the last night since 1999 that I'll have permanent digs in Melbourne. I cleared the storage unit and disposed of the girls' stroller and the like today. Tomorrow I'll finish packing up and hand back the keys to my room.
I wish I could say something profound here. As has happened before, for some reason I can't find any real thoughts to think about it. I guess, as a friend on Facebook said, broken roads still lead to where you're meant to be.
Monday, 27 May 2013
Short post while I have a moment. Dad and I are about to head down to Flinders from Shepparton; will pick up some poll cattle from Nagambie on way and deliver to Mt Martha.
While we're down on that side of the state, I'll empty the storage unit at Moorabbin and my room in Brunswick and hand back the keys. I guess this means that, after over a decade, I'm no longer a Melburnian. I spent yesterday evening emailing changes of address to a bunch of places.
Not really feeling anything about all of this. Oddly, I think the things I'll miss most about Melbourne is the smell of pizza on Lygon Street in the evenings, and going to Melbourne City Baths. I don't think this is the end of the road neither: somehow I don't think my destiny is to be a country lawyer in the Goulburn Valley for the term of my natural life. Just have to keep moving on. The journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step!
Sunday, 26 May 2013
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
Not one of the best days on the planet.
Cold and cloudy start to the day here at Flinders. I brought Dad up to speed on the divorce situation, which is not great as it weighs on his mind. Although on the plus side, Oldest Sister Economist rang from Brisbane through the morning and spoke to both of us, which was a welcome boosg: dad's prouder of her than he'd ever let on, even if he'd have a hard time explaining what she does for a living.
Bad news from cousin Christy across the road. I failed to mention that his wife of sixty-odd years died earlier this year following a stroke. His oldest son, Kevin (aged late fifties) has been getting treatment for a liver-based cancer for some time, but has now been told he's only got a couple of weeks left to live too. Poor, poor family. That particular lump of knowledge was also weighing heavy on Dad too today.
The day warmed up a little in the late afternoon and we loaded some things onto the truck. Hearty dinner. Likely back to Shepparton tomorrow.
Monday, 20 May 2013
No great news to report. Presently at Flinders. Lots of rain today. Drenched and weighed a mob of about 20 steers. Weather cold.
Shopping in Hastings late afternoon.
Did I mention the run on Saturday? 34kms round trip from the farm to just outside Euroa. Why did I not pick a less insane pastime.
Thursday, 16 May 2013
Sunday, 12 May 2013
Saturday, 11 May 2013
Slightly cloudy Sunday morning here. I'm on my own (parents gave gone to Flinders) save for cat, dog and calf.
About to go to Shepparton for Mass as well as to print a few things and get a couple of groceries.
ABC says rain later today but I'm sadly doubtful of it. Lord knows we need it. Dams very low here.
Friday, 10 May 2013
Posting by phone tonight again. Pondering one of those big ideas before I drift off to sleep. Ideais prompted by an exchange I had tonight on twitter with Victorian Opera re their upcoming production of "Nixon in China".
What I'm wondering is if opera is an exhausted art form, where there's nothing new to say and probably no one new to say it to. One could perhaps say the same thing about the novel: that is, the cultural works in either field aren't new: they simply recycle old forms and tweak the content to a greater or lesser degrees
I add that even though I do enjoy "New Music Up Late" on ABC FM, I'm not sure it represents the future of music at all: very often the cacophony seens to be intent on conveying no other idea than "I am not Liszt".
Thursday, 9 May 2013
Warm sunny day - unseasonably so for May. Not much rain expected till September.
Interesting news this morning re constitutional referendum to be put at next election on recognising local government in the federal constitution. No details yet available but my feeling is the existence or otherwise of local govt should remain a state matter. We'll see.
To Rushworth in afternoon with Dad to load a cattle crate. Difficult in a way: Dad loves to talk and often (incl today) I just want to be silent. Alls well that ends well. I worry re his diabetes. He sees his doctir rarely and tends to be patchy in good dietary habits. I'm trying to get him into good habits without him knowing - he ate a piece if mulitgrain bread today, and I'm trying to accustom him to eating olives rather than biscuits before dinner - but it's uphill work.
That's all for now. More tomorrow.
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
I expected I'd be stoked when I wrote this, but honestly I don't know what I feel or think. I was honestly kind of struggling to work out what to write or how, so absent any better ideas I'll try bullet points.
1. The big news is I've accepted a job in a regional practice, to begin 1 July. This, I know, is a good thing because it reduces the 'drift' in my life at the moment.
2. Between now and then I'll go to Louisiana to see Joni and Grace and Rachel. This is causing me strange feelings. I want to see my girls desperately. But, it's as if I'm seeing the happily ever after that I longed for my whole life, and that I helped bring into being, and that even now I sustain in part with money, but which I am now excluded from. I could say it's like forcing a starving man to look at a buffet through 3 feet of glass, only much, much worse.
3. I tell myself that I can still start again, and move on, and keep looking for my own white picket fence, but it doesn't help. I'm too Catholic to accept that for me to remarry would be other than a sin. But I know I won't get to be a father like I wanted to be, or to grow old with the woman I love. When I think of that, the other things the world affords lose their savour.
4. When I do think about (3), things just look grey forever. It's like looking at the next 50 years or so and thinking "ok, I just have to get through it". For the avoidance of doubt, this isn't a coded way of saying I feel like doing something stupid - of course I don't - but it's a 'heavy' thing, as if I'm not so much living as serving a very long sentence. Stone walls might not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage, but I'm unsure what one does with a vast expanse of not entirely welcome time.
5. For the first time in I-don't-know-how-many-years I'm on the verge of finishing reading a novel: John Boyne's "The Absolutist". Interedting ideas. Should make a viable review piece.
6. One thing to remember is a lesson I've learned as a legal practitioner: in any given situation you can do the right thing, the wrong thing, and nothing. Invariably the worst option is to do nothing. So, having the job I have might not be perfect, but it's a step towards where I'm meant to be going and that's a good thing.
7. My parents really love the girls. Mum keeps buying them little presents. It breaks my heart to know they're unlikely to be allowed to see them again. Yay me. Yay fucking me. Wasn't it enough for me to fuck me own life up? Why'd I hurt their advanced years to? Yay. Fucking. Me.
That's it I guess.
Sunday, 5 May 2013
Friday, 3 May 2013
Thursday, 2 May 2013
Short update after posting today's run time to dailymile.com. Not a huge amount to report: a day of loading things on the truck while enjoying one of the increasingly rare pleasant autumn days. Trip to check cattle at Mt Martha and to Aldi in Mornington during the day.
Blues were dragging me down a bit during the day, but a stiff run to the war memorial and back this evening has driven them off and has cleared my head in the usual manner.
May have some good news to share on a particular matter in the next few weeks. Watch this space.
Presently hurriedly flipping through a biography of Cecil Rhodes for a piece I've half-written already (I know, I know, writing the lead on the way to the ballpark) which combines details from this buffoon (who it pains me immeasurably to find myself inadvertently agreeing with) and this book. Why do I insist on writing this sort of drivel? Well, I guess because once in a while (about 15-20% of the time) I actually produce something good.
No more for now.
See you tomorrow.