This entry may come out bleaker than it‘s meant to. We‘ll see.
I had to reschedule my session with the psych this morning. Well, I didn‘t HAVE to. But I was too embarassed about not having been able to get in to see the doctor to get the necessary referral documents drawn (have arranged that appointment for Friday). As a result, I was at the office at 6:50am. I had one court appearance in the morning and then spent a lot of the rest of the day catching up on filework.
It was a borderline kind if day, as if it kept threatening to overwhelm me but not quite doing it. By the end I just wished the day would make it‘s frigging mind up and either destroy me or not. But it didn‘t and so I have no real sense of success or failure. This is not that good. My boss has been away for the last couple if days, and I‘m scheduled to review a number of files with her tomorrow. And honest to God: I just don‘t think I can ride the roller-coaster anymore.
For the love of God, when did I become so bloody gutless?
Come on. You just haven‘t tried hard enough you lazy, cowardly good for nothing shit.
God, look at that last sentence. I can‘t even hate myself and be believable
I can‘t be fair dinkum about anything.
Fuck me.
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